For most of my life, I’ve struggled with anxiety. It’s been a quiet but persistent shadow, sometimes more noticeable than others. Over the years, I noticed something interesting: in relationships where affection and physical touch were scarce — especially hugs — my anxiety felt sharper, heavier, harder to manage. I found myself missing human touch and connection, yet partners who didn’t value hugs often brushed that need aside. It left me questioning whether it was silly of me to crave something so small, when in truth, it wasn’t small at all.
The Science of a Hug
Research shows that hugs are anything but trivial. When we hug, our bodies release oxytocin — often called the “bonding hormone” or “cuddle chemical.” Oxytocin helps lower cortisol (the stress hormone), reduces blood pressure, and even calms the nervous system. In short: hugs are scientifically proven to ease anxiety, create feelings of safety, and strengthen our sense of connection.
One study even found that frequent hugs can help reduce the risk of catching a cold, thanks to their immune-boosting effect. Another showed that hugs can lower heart rate and blood pressure during moments of stress. It’s fascinating to see how something so human, so instinctive, has such a measurable impact on our health.
More Than Just Touch
Hugs are a form of communication. They say: I see you. You’re safe. You matter. For someone living with anxiety, that message is powerful medicine. But it isn’t only about anxiety — hugs strengthen bonds, soften arguments, and remind us we’re not alone in the world.
Even if you’re not naturally a “hugger,” there are ways to bring the power of touch into your life. It could be as simple as holding hands, a warm squeeze on the shoulder, or even wrapping yourself in a weighted blanket that mimics the comfort of a hug. Human connection comes in many forms, and all of them have the power to soothe.
My Journey with Hugs
For years, I felt the absence of this connection. With partners who didn’t like hugging, I struggled — not just emotionally, but physically too. My anxiety was louder, my body felt more on edge, and I often blamed myself for wanting something so “simple.”
But today, I feel grateful. I’ve met a partner who cherishes hugs just as much as I do. In our world, hugs aren’t an afterthought — they’re woven into daily life, grounding us in love and safety. And I can feel the difference in my body and mind. My anxiety is still a part of me, but the edges are softer. A hug has the power to remind me that I’m safe, loved, and never alone.
How to Bring More Hugs Into Your Life
Not everyone grows up in a hugging household, and sometimes life’s circumstances, past relationships, or even trauma can make cuddles feel awkward—or even unwelcome. As psychologist Patrice Le Goy notes, going extended periods without physical touch can lead to what she calls touch starvation, a state that can manifest as depression, stress, anxiety, and difficulty forming emotional connections—even when you’re in a relationship
But there’s hope. Introducing physical affection doesn’t need to feel forced or intrusive—especially for those who are naturally more reserved. Approach it gently. Instead of jumping straight into a tight embrace, start small: a warm hand squeeze, a shoulder lean, a brief hug goodbye or hello. Over time, these small gestures can feel more genuine and safe.
It helps to share the science rather than the emotion. Dr. Susan Albers, a psychologist at Cleveland Clinic, reminds us that hugging triggers the release of oxytocin, the “bonding hormone,” and lowers cortisol, the stress hormone. Framed as something that benefits both of you—not just a comforting gesture but a stress-reliever, connection-builder—the conversation often lands more softly.
Also, remember that touch isn’t limited to romantic affection. It could come through a furry friend, the weight of a cozy blanket, or even self-hugs—wrapping your arms around yourself with kindness. Affection Exchange Theory tells us that affection isn’t a fleeting luxury—it’s a biological need that supports our survival, mental health, and relational well-being.
Above all, take comfort in knowing that you don’t have to navigate this craving for connection alone. Your desire for touch is deeply human—and fully valid.
The Takeaway
Never underestimate the power of a hug. Whether it’s with a partner, a friend, a child, or even yourself, those few seconds of warmth can calm your nervous system and nourish your soul. If you’re someone who craves touch — know that it’s not silly. It’s biology. It’s humanity.
So go ahead, give more hugs. Let yourself be held. Because in the science of hugs lies something far more powerful than data: the reminder that we are wired for connection, and that love — in all its simple forms — heals.
Your Feminavit Team xx
